Never Bet Against the Pope

There’s something grisly hilarious about this:

With odds against the pope’s survival set as high as 12-1, Las Vegas’ biggest sports books took a massive financial hit last weekend when the ailing pontiff pulled off a huge upset against his heavily favored archrival, death. “No question, it’s a catastrophic loss,” said Bally’s sports book director Tony Silvestro. “You’ve got a frail and gaunt 84-year-old man with massive health problems and he finally gets the flu. It’s like a gift from God for oddsmakers. I’ve never been more confident of a betting line.”

Death opened as a whopping 16-1 favorite, but early betting on the pope gradually lowered the line to 12-1. A few lower-tier casinos dropped the line until it began attracting equal dollars from death and pope bettors, but the normally cautious big casinos felt death’s victory was such a sure thing that they allowed themselves to become overextended.

“We’ll go back and look at the algorithms and computer models,” a glum Silvestro said. “You have to after a loss like this. But you also gotta give the old guy credit. Put him up against death and he’s just unbeatable.”

I’d have backed the Pope, no question. He’s not planning on meeting his illustrious predecessor St. Peter anytime soon from what I can see.

And the Nominee Is …

To this, I have one thing to say.

Oh please, pretty please, pretty, pretty please …

Silly Grammys

The entertainment industry’s love affair with the Clintons appears to have more fire than their own, what with Bill now winning a second grammy for his cinderblock book:

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton won the second Grammy Award of his career on Sunday, when he was honored in the spoken word category for his best-selling memoir “My Life.”

The Clinton’s now have three grammys between them – but not to worry, I’m sure they’ve got another one set aside for Hillary for whatever next drips from her poison pen …