MartiniPundit

Random thoughts and insights – always shaken, never stirred

A New Twist on the Nigerian Scam

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Though it may be from someone else. Either way, from time to time a new twist on the Nigerian ‘deposed African dictator’s widow needs help getting gazillions of dollars’ shows up. This one has the virtue of proper spelling, although grammar, syntax, and word choice leave something to be desired. I reproduce it in its entirely (except for links) below, and it’s amusing in its audacity, if nothing else. Enjoy!

Attn: Your Humble Goodself.

RE: OFFER FROM THE VATICAN CHURCH, VATICAN CITY.

Greetings to you from the office of the Holy Father of the Vatican Church, Vatican City, Rome Italy.

We are writing this letter to you today as a Holy offer/opportunity to work for the Vatican Church, Vatican City Rome Italy, as our only official secret distributor of charity funds to our several registered charity organizations around this global earth with topmost secrecy.

In August 9 1903 when Giuseppe Sarto assumed office as the second pope of the Vatican Church Vatican city as Pope Pius PP. X, he included a new amendment to the constitution of the Vatican Church, which relates that as a result of the continuous rising several cases of corruption and mis-use of the funds allocated by the Vatican Church to charity organizations, via the power of the Cardinals of the Vatican Church, the appointment of the official distributor of funds allocated by the Vatican Church for distribution to registered charity organizations, MUST be secretly issued to a non Vatican Church individual/personnel, who must be unknown by all living person’s except the office of the Holy Father and the official holy Treasurer of the Vatican Church, in-order to curb and eliminate the continuous rising several cases of corruption and mis-use of the charity funds, since without the knowledge of the official distributor by any other personnel of the Vatican Church except from the office of the Holy Father and the official holy treasurer of the Vatican Church, the corruption cases would be brought to an immediate halt, and this new measure worked perfectly well from that time till this current time frame.

In the Addendum of this new amendment contained in the constitution of the Vatican Church, it is also clearly stated that every new Pope assuming office in the Vatican Church, must select a new official secret distributor for his regime, and upon his death, his selected official secret distributor must immediately have his/her post terminated, with the replacement of a new official secret distributor, secretly chosen by the new governing Pope only.

And with the passing away of our previous Pope, Ioannes Paulus PP. II Karol Wojtyla as Pope John Paul II on April the 2nd of 2005, and with the recent appointment of I Joseph Ratzinger as Pope Benedictus XVI on April the 19th of 2005, the previous secret distributor in Pope John Paul II time has been relieved of his position, and as a result a new secret distributor is immediately required without delay to serve till my regime is over via death.

In the light of the above related sentences, you have been nominated by this Holy office of the Holy Father of the Vatican Church Vatican City, to be our secret distributor of charity funds to our several registered charity organizations around this global earth SECRETLY with topmost secrecy, in which you would be continually paid a commission of 10% only, of every total amount of funds released to your goodself every four (4) months by the reputable funds organization the Vatican Church holds its charity funds in, for immediate distribution to our several registered charity organizations around the world, as charity funds from the Vatican Church Vatican City.

In-order to pre-qualify for this secret official Holy post in the Vatican Church, you must satisfy our basic requirements below;

1. You must be a honest, straightforward and God fearing individual.

2 You must be an aristocrat or an influential rich individual with a designated bank account in a reputable Bank, which can completely and always accommodate the released charity funds to your goodself, without the need of questioning by relevant authorities.

3. You must be 100% fully ready and oblige to keep your post as our only official secret distributor of charity funds as Topmost secret, and guide this secret post in the Vatican Church Vatican City with your life.

4. You must not for any reason perform as not required by the office of the Holy Father i.e embezzlement and mis-use of charity funds.

5. You must at all time adhere fully and promptly to the instructions furnished your goodself by the office of the Holy Father of the Vatican Church.

Please kindly note that, Age, Sex, Religion, and Nationality, does not in any way affect your qualification eligibility, so if your humble goodself is confident and eligible for this secret holy post in the Vatican church, please kindly respond immediately to this electronic message by sending your personal response to our direct secret email address at (popebenedictusxvi2 at hotmail.com) from your private/personal email address without delay, and we shall guide you through the mandatory required steps to attain the secret holy post.

Thank you for your time as we expect your goodself to keep this electronic contact as topmost secret, in-order to protect the interest of the Vatican Church, Vatican City, Rome Italy, while we await your personal response from your personal email address to our secret email address.

Remain blessed and best regard’s from the office of the Holy Father of the Vatican Church and please take time out to visit our official website at (vaticanchurchDOTorg) and to view our profile please kindly visit (vaticanchurchDOTorg/holy_father/benedict_xvi/index.htm)

God Bless you.

Office of the Vatican Church,

Pope Benedictus XVI

Joseph Ratzinger

Pope, Vatican Church, Vatican City.

Rome, Italy.

Website address: vaticanchurchDOTorg

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Written by martinipundit

July 10, 2005 at 8:39 am

Posted in Church, General, Idiotarians

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